Attack of the Moronic Zombie
by Crazy Squee
Summary: The T-virus has made its way to an unsuspecting house on the outskirts of Raccoon City. Or has it?


Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil or related characters and titles. This is a fanfic. *gasp*  
  
Btw this story is placed in a house on the outskirts of Raccoon City  
  
Attack of the Moronic Zombie  
  
It was Halloween, and, as usual, I had my friends Amy and Ted over for a Halloween party. I had given invitations to everyone at school, but being the local nerd, I got no responses. So it was just the three of us at home, alone, eating cookies and apples and drinking orange punch. We had Slipknot playing on the boom box and were lounging around on the couch watching "Wes Craven's Dracula" for the fourth time tonight.  
  
"Ooh, ooh this is the best part!" Ted spoiled for us. Dracula was about to drink from his latest victim.  
  
"Ew!" Amy exclaimed. She got grossed out at this kind of stuff.  
  
"You know, you don't have to watch this, Amy." I said coolly. "I can take you upstairs and show you my room…"  
  
"For the 32nd time? I think I saw the whole thing by the 3rd!" she replied angrily. We went out every now and then, but it wasn't a steady relationship.  
  
"Ding-dong!" went the doorbell.  
  
"Get it Ted." I commanded.  
  
"Dude, it's your house." He retorted.  
  
"Fine." I said. Then, under my breath, "Wuss." I picked up the closest remote to me and turned the music down to a dull roar. I walked up to, and opened, the door.  
  
"Here's your pizza sir. That'll be 9.99 plus tip." The pizza boy said lazily, carrying a pizza box.  
  
"Hey guys." I called to the other two. "Who ordered pizza?"  
  
"Not me." Amy said.  
  
"I didn't do it!" Ted said imitating a character from his favorite show.  
  
"Oh well." I said. I handed the pizza boy thirteen dollars and took the pizza inside the house, closing the door behind. I opened it up to find it was a trash pizza.  
  
"What kind is it?" Ted asked eagerly.  
  
"Yours." I replied handing it to him. Amy and I both hated trash pizza. Ted grabbed a slice and chowed down. I noticed a piece of paper on the inside of the box's lid. I grabbed it and examined it.  
  
"Surgeon General's warning:" I read aloud. "This pizza contains samples of the T-virus, and induction into the human-" Ted grabbed another slice. "Blood system may cause terminal illness and artificial 'reanimation.' Eat with caution." I finished. Ted grabbed another slice having finished the first two.  
  
"What in the world is that supposed to mean?" Ted asked.  
  
"It means you're a dead man!" Amy explained. I always admired her for her brains. Ted stared blankly at me for a minute.  
  
"Oh well." He said, returning to his normal state. "At least I can enjoy this great pizza before I die!" He hungrily snatched up the rest of the pizza, and went to the kitchen to enjoy it.  
  
"I'm going to go grab some beer. Amy, you want some?" I asked, as if Ted would be fine.  
  
"No, I think I'll pass…" Amy answered with a worried look and an obvious shake in her voice.  
  
"Aight." I said. I proceeded to the door that led to the basement. I walked down the stairs and opened up the fridge where my parents stashed the beer supply. Next thing I knew, I heard Amy scream.  
  
"AIIIEEEE!" And then the vibrations of stomping toward the basement from upstairs. I searched through an old box for a weapon. I found one. Amy came in through the door and almost flew over the stairs. She stopped at the base of the stairs and put me between her and the door.  
  
"Ted's a zombie!" She practically screamed in my ear. I held my weapon in my left hand. It was a Colt Magnum, fully loaded (What luck). I pointed it at the door on the top of the stairway. Ted came in, except that he moved very slowly and had scabs and blisters and the like all over his face. If I didn't know better, I'd say it wasn't Ted.  
  
"Bra-ins…" the zombie groaned. I pointed my gun at the zombie's head. He started walking down the stairs, but tripped on his own feet and fell all the way down. Amy and I moved several feet from him. He righted himself up and walked toward Amy and me.  
  
"Bra-ins…" he repeated. My gun was still aimed at his skull.  
  
"My god, he's gonna kill us!" Amy screeched. This was enough.  
  
"One more step and I blow your head off!" I yelled, cocking the Magnum. The zombie stopped, and hung his head and arms in utter defeat.  
  
"Aww, man!" the zombie said in a voice sounding like Ted's. "It was just getting good!" He removed the latex mask to reveal none other than Ted.  
  
"But I had you guys good, didn't I?" Ted said boastfully. Amy's face contorted with unconditional rage.  
  
"You stupid fart!" she blasted at Ted. "You almost scared me to death!"  
  
"Sorry." Ted said empathetically. Amy grabbed the loaded gun from my hand and blew Ted's head off.  
  
I lose more friends that way. 


End file.
